Author Archives: Yupei Pearl Hu

Why Do We Need Therapy Even When the System is Broken?

While scrolling through the endless noise of the internet, I came across a strikingly profound perspective. A user posted:

“Asians don’t need therapy because our psychological issues are, at their core, systemic and structural.”

This statement immediately took me back to an experience I had over a decade ago. I was working with a consulting firm when they posed a classic structural dilemma: “If a married couple lives apart—one in China, one in the US—how do they maintain their marriage?”

It was a profound question indeed. Can the suffering imposed by heavy societal structures really be resolved just by sitting on a therapist’s couch? Is therapy some kind of magic wand that makes structural obstacles disappear?

Of course not.

If therapy cannot alter our broader environment—if it cannot cancel the relentless exams crushing high schoolers, erase the physical distance between separated couples, or single-handedly dismantle systemic pain—then why do we still need it?

Are You Actually Sick, or Are You Just “Normally Inflamed” in an Unhealthy Construct?

Imagine if you were forced to run every day in a pair of shoes that were two sizes too small. After just a few days, your feet would inevitably start to bleed, swell, and hurt intensely.

If someone pointed at your bleeding feet at that exact moment and said, “Your feet are just too weak; you are sick,” you would find it completely absurd—maybe even infuriating. Why? Because you know the problem isn’t your feet at all. It’s the shoes.

The relentless hyper-competitiveness of modern society is exactly like that ill-fitting pair of shoes.

  • The anxiety you feel is actually your brain alerting you: “It’s unsafe here, run!”
  • The depression and lack of motivation you feel is actually your brain protecting you: “We are utterly exhausted; initiating a forced shutdown.”

So, please say this to yourself first: “I am not weak. I am simply a normal person having a normal reaction to an unhealthy structure.” Your pain isn’t a design flaw or a personal defect; it is a vital, protective warning signal sent by your own body.

The Structure Won’t Change, and Travel Won’t Cure It. What Now?

Often, when we are completely drained by life, well-meaning friends or glossy advertisements will offer a simple solution: “Go travel! Take a beach vacation, see the world, and you’ll feel better.”

So, we give it a try. We spend our hard-earned money on a getaway, lie on a beach for two weeks, and genuinely feel like we’ve come back to life. But the cruel reality hits the exact moment we step off the plane and return to our desks. That familiar, heavy sense of suffocation rushes right back.

This happens because a temporary escape cannot cure systemic pain. We simply cannot rely on a plane ticket to permanently flee a rigid and pressured reality.

Therapy is About Breathing Again in a Chaotic World

Since we cannot change society overnight, nor can we travel abroad forever, are we supposed to just sit back and let those unfit shoes grind our feet hopelessly?

Of course not. This is the true meaning of psychotherapy and psychiatry.

Mental health professionals cannot overthrow the system for you, but they can walk with you to achieve three things:

Lift the burden of self-blame: The therapy room is a safe space. Here, we can help you untangle the threads: which pains are forced upon you by the environment, and which ones you can try to let go of. The moment you stop blaming yourself, healing begins.

Teach you how to “hold an umbrella in the rain”: When it is pouring outside, we cannot command the sky to stop raining, but therapy can give you an umbrella. We will practice together: How to set boundaries in an overloaded job? How to protect yourself in toxic relationships? How to adjust your pace in a frantic environment?

Reclaim your autonomy: The world constantly dictates who you should be and how much money you need to make to be considered “successful.” But here, we care more about: “How are you feeling today? What do you want?” We help you find your own voice—the one drowned out by the frantic rhythm of life.

To Those Who Are Feeling Lost Right Now

Stepping into a therapy room or seeking psychiatric help never means you are a “failure,” nor does it mean you should be reduced to just a “patient.”

On the contrary, it means you are a perceptive, deeply awake individual. In a world where so many pretend to be fine while being numbly consumed by the system, you have chosen to honestly acknowledge the pain—and you have made the courageous decision to reach out and pull yourself up.

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Graduation in Lilac Season: A Future Not Defined by Technology

On Mother’s Day in this sentimental month, Boston once again reaches a bittersweet moment of mixed joy and sorrow. At this tender yet bustling time, the lilacs at the Arnold Arboretum bloom as scheduled, filling the air with a familiar fragrance. Along the Charles River, students in graduation robes appear everywhere. This farewell is both a time of harvest and the beginning of a new life chapter.

Reflections on Lilac Day: A Whiff of Fragrance

Picnicking on Lilac Day at the Arboretum, one sees the lilacs blooming quietly and self-absorbed. There are no technological distractions, only families enjoying the flowers and soaking in the sun, together celebrating the greatness of mothers. For a mother with a graduate, the feelings at this moment are complex: the excitement of a child’s accomplishment and pride mixed with a touch of worry for their impending step into an AI society.

Graduation Season: Expanding a Future Beyond Technology

At Boston’s commencement ceremonies, young people are eagerly bestowed with new identities. Yet, the real world often tries to reduce them to data points and algorithmic models.

Clinical Observation: In my clinic, I see many outstanding graduates feeling despair. They fear they are no longer relevant in the age of data.

The Power of a Mother: A mother’s love is the first line of defense against this dehumanization. This connection does not rely on network signals but on that deep, quiet, and powerful emotion within the bloodline.

Advice for Mothers and Graduates

In this season of blooming lilacs, let us ground ourselves in the vitality of living in the present.

  • Cherish Memories with Family and Friends: A diploma proves academic work, but the time spent under the lilac trees represents the true meaning of life.
  • Stay in Touch with Authentic Experiences: When celebrating graduation, try putting down the phone and breaking free from the constraints of digital language. Those moments that cannot be compressed into files or uploaded to the cloud are the real strength that sustains a child moving toward the future.
  • Ground Your Faith in the Future: The charm of the lilac lies in its natural cycle of blooming and fading. A young person’s future does not need to be defined by AI. Embrace that infinite possibility, which is the core of human creativity and vitality.

Conclusion: Finding Tranquility Amidst the Storm

The lilacs will fade and the commencement will end, but the essence of quiet waters running deep will remain. May all mothers and graduates find peace in the AI era and celebrate the original human connection as a family.

The lilacs remain, the heart does not shift. Happy Graduation and a Peaceful Mother’s Day.

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The Quiet Antidote to Anger: The Acts of Forgiveness

Recently, while reading a New Yorker piece on whether AI will make college obsolete, my mind drifted from technology toward the one thing AI can never truly grasp: the complex architecture of human emotion and the long shadow of our histories.

It reminded me of Jay Caspian Kang’s The Loneliest Americans, where he describes a specific kind of Asian American loneliness—the feeling of spending a lifetime trying to become “acceptable” while still standing emotionally at the edge of the room. I recently heard a friend describe this displacement with heartbreaking precision: “I feel ‘othering’.” It is the sensation of being treated as an eternal exception—physically present, yet existentially cast as “the other.”

Then, I came across a talk on the “Four Acts of Forgiveness.” Many mistake forgiveness for forgetting, but in practice, it is a tool for reclamation. For many adults, whether Asian, White, Black, or Latino, the root of our adult anxiety often lies in what Dr. Susan Forward termed “Toxic Parents.” We carry invisible wounds from environments where we learned: “I am loved only when I perform.”

The Four Acts of Forgiveness

Inspired by Brian Tracy

These are the essential movements required to release the negative energy that quietly erodes your potential:

Forgive Your Parents: Release them for every mistake made in your upbringing. Many adult struggles are rooted in unresolved childhood resentment. By forgiving, you free yourself from those early wounds regardless of whether your parents are living or deceased.

Forgive Others: Consciously let go of resentment toward anyone who has ever hurt you. This is not about approving of their behavior; rather, it is a necessary act of self-interest to liberate yourself from the weight of negative emotions.

Forgive Yourself: Relinquish the guilt and shame tied to past mistakes. Acknowledge that you were doing the best you could with the knowledge and maturity you possessed at the time.

Seek Forgiveness: The final act is apologizing to those you have hurt. This act of repentance releases you from the lingering shadow of guilt.

The Four Forms of Forgiveness

While the Acts are what we do, the Forms are the internal shifts that keep us healed:

Understanding Human Limitation: Recognizing that some people hurt others because they are limited. They cannot give a gentleness they never received.

Stopping the Repetition of Suffering: Realizing that replaying the wound daily is a form of self-injury.

Accepting That Life Is Imperfect: Peace does not come from the world finally validating you; it comes from no longer needing that validation to confirm your worth.

Transforming Pain Into Compassion: The ultimate healing is becoming someone whose suffering evolves into empathy for others who feel that sense of “othering.”

A Note on the Shield of Anger: When Forgiveness Feels Like a Risk

While we seek the peace that forgiveness brings, we must acknowledge a difficult clinical truth: Sometimes, we use anger as a shield. When harm is ongoing, whether through “othering,” active toxicity, or boundary violations, anger serves as a high-voltage fence. It keeps us alert. It tells us, “This is not okay.” In this sense, anger is a form of protection.

But there is a cost. Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else. You might feel ready to strike, but in the meantime, you are the one with the burning hand. While anger protects us from the outside world, it eventually begins to erode us from within. If the anger never resolves, the “protection” becomes a prison.

The goal of the Four Acts is not to lower your defenses prematurely; it is to reach a level of internal strength where you no longer need to hold onto that heat to keep yourself safe.

Forgiveness isn’t for the person who hurt you—it’s for the part of you that is finally ready to let your hand heal.

Yupei Pearl Hu, MD, MPH Remède Therapy | Brookline, MA

Join the Conversation

I’ve shared a visual guide to these concepts on our social channels. You can view the graphic and save it for your daily practice here:

Instagram | Facebook | Rednote

References:

Tracy, B. The Four Acts of Forgiveness.

Kang, J. C. (2026). “Will AI Make College Obsolete?” The New Yorker.

Kang, J. C. (2021). The Loneliest Americans.

Forward, S. (1989). Toxic Parents.

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